So, lately I have been stuggling alot with my appearance.
I'm a very self-concious person. I guess you could say I'm too hard on myself and I point out the negative parts of my body so much its ridiculous. Before it used to be my weight. But now that I have that under control, its right now my skin. I mean lets just say I have less then perfect skin.
I'm so sick of it I mean I've tried everything and I'm giving up hope on having clear skin. It's depressing. Never in my life have I ever felt pretty, and one day I just want to feel pretty. I know it sounds stupid but its true. I mean everywhere I go I see gorgeous girls with really perfect skin, and a perfect weight. Ugh! Secretly I'm scared of losing my boyfriend. I mean the girls he had been with before me where skinny and have super nice skin and they are super super super nice. So what the hell does he see in me? Honestly I don't know because I'm not skinny by any means. I have WAY less then perfect skin. My acne is definately a problem. And I'm bitchy to him alot. I keep thinking he'll find prettier, nicer girls then me which makes my self confidence and my self esteem sink really low. Its honestly been making me really depressed. I just want to lay in my room and do nothing but sleep. I feel down and sad all the time. Which is affecting my relationship with erik as well. Ugh, I hate feeling like this.
I guess I just need to rant somwhere , and my blog seems like thee perfect place.
But there is some good news of thee day. I'm going camping w/ thee boyfriend and thee family. Which is going to be hopefully fun. First of all I'm shocked my parents are letting him come in the first place. Secondly, I'm suprised his parents are letting him come. But who cares about all of that. HE CAN COME which makes me a little happier.
But seriously I'm sick of feelng terrible about my body.
I've spent this whole freaking summer hiding out in my room cause I dont wanan go in public cause I look disqusting. :(
Who knew bad skin can make a person depressed.
Well I guess It does :(
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Long time
Well, I haven't written a post in a while.
During the school year I spent alot of time studying and doing homework.
Then my ANCIENT desktop decided to finally die.
So I went without a computer for about a month until my birthday when my wonderful parents decided to get me a pink Sony Vaio. Which is like my child. I love this thing, no joke. Everything about it is wonderful. Even the webcam has good quality. So my summer has been pretty relaxing. I workout everyday, and then chill. But I've been getting NO sleep. If I'm lucky I will get a good 3 and a half hours of sleep every night. I usually don't go to bed until four or five. If I sleep at all, and then I usually wake up whenever the sun decides to come up because I have no curtains in my bedroom and the sun wakes me up. I am not looking forward to school starting cause my sleeping habits are so messed up right now. The first day of school is going to be BRUTAL. Okay so I want to talk about my relationship with my boyfriend for a minute. Things were going pretty bad for a while. Our relationship was litterally hanging by a thin string. But I think things are getting better now :). We made it through a difficult thing, and I believe that our relationship is better and stronger because of it. Erik and I haven't spent as much time togetherthis summer as we had hoped to. I went camping for eight days. I came back we had a little less then a week together before he went to his cottage. He Just came back yesturday, and I'm going camping again for five days this saturday coming up. Then when I get back we have a good two weeks together then he's going back to his cottage for a week or two.
Well I can't complain because many people can't see their boyfriends / girlfriends at all this summer. I guess I just miss how it was last summer when we were together ALL THE TIME. If I could go back to last summer I would, it was amazing and the best summer so far. This summer was kind of boring. I have spent alot of time sitting in my room on facebook & gurl.com
But I'm going to a party today which should be some fun. I'm going to my parents friends house with my parents. Normally I definately wouldn't go. But they have a son a year older then me. I think of what I remember the last time I had seen him. He was very cute. I know I have a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't look right? Haha!
During the school year I spent alot of time studying and doing homework.
Then my ANCIENT desktop decided to finally die.
So I went without a computer for about a month until my birthday when my wonderful parents decided to get me a pink Sony Vaio. Which is like my child. I love this thing, no joke. Everything about it is wonderful. Even the webcam has good quality. So my summer has been pretty relaxing. I workout everyday, and then chill. But I've been getting NO sleep. If I'm lucky I will get a good 3 and a half hours of sleep every night. I usually don't go to bed until four or five. If I sleep at all, and then I usually wake up whenever the sun decides to come up because I have no curtains in my bedroom and the sun wakes me up. I am not looking forward to school starting cause my sleeping habits are so messed up right now. The first day of school is going to be BRUTAL. Okay so I want to talk about my relationship with my boyfriend for a minute. Things were going pretty bad for a while. Our relationship was litterally hanging by a thin string. But I think things are getting better now :). We made it through a difficult thing, and I believe that our relationship is better and stronger because of it. Erik and I haven't spent as much time togetherthis summer as we had hoped to. I went camping for eight days. I came back we had a little less then a week together before he went to his cottage. He Just came back yesturday, and I'm going camping again for five days this saturday coming up. Then when I get back we have a good two weeks together then he's going back to his cottage for a week or two.
Well I can't complain because many people can't see their boyfriends / girlfriends at all this summer. I guess I just miss how it was last summer when we were together ALL THE TIME. If I could go back to last summer I would, it was amazing and the best summer so far. This summer was kind of boring. I have spent alot of time sitting in my room on facebook & gurl.com
But I'm going to a party today which should be some fun. I'm going to my parents friends house with my parents. Normally I definately wouldn't go. But they have a son a year older then me. I think of what I remember the last time I had seen him. He was very cute. I know I have a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't look right? Haha!
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